How to Forgive Yourself

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Hello everybody! It’s Wednesday and time again for another Expanding on Expansive weekly tips and teachings. And so this week, all of my posts focus on forgiveness. The ones that have come out and the ones that are going to come up for the rest of the week. And so I want to focus today on forgiveness. In the previous weeks, I was focusing on manifesting and the formula for manifesting, we’re in the beginning of the year still and I wanted to focus on intention in manifesting. And so you know how to manifest and you don’t just feel like I want to manifest, but I don’t know how. Well in order to manifest one of the things we need to do is to forgive ourselves for things that didn’t happen the way we wanted to, or things that we hate about ourselves, or things that happened. Life happens in certain ways, the planets, you know, circumstances, other people. And so it’s important to deal with forgiveness in order to manifest well. And so in order to have a successful year, however, you will measure this success for yourself, forgiveness is an important part.

And so, I want to share the posts that I’ve already posted this week on forgiveness. So on Monday, which is spiritual-material unity, I posted: Forgiveness, embrace the unloved and forsaken parts of yourself, your life, others, the world. So when we don’t forgive, we are keeping that part separate. We are rejecting a part of us that we’re not forgiving. We don’t forgive something else or someone else we’re rejecting them. Right? But all forgiveness eventually comes back to us because we might not forgive somebody else, but we’re also, we track back, we’re not forgiving ourselves for not saying the right thing that we wanted to say that we actually want to say or do the thing we want it to do or not say or not do the thing that we didn’t want to say or do. So eventually it comes to us as well. And so today the focus is in how to forgive yourself. And so it is about embracing the unloved forsaken parts of ourselves.

So the Tuesday practice, the post was what are you willing to forgive and embrace and make whole again, in spite of everything. So it doesn’t mean that you don’t have good reason to be angry or not to forgive. I mean, there’s things that are enraging. There are things that are unjust. There are things that are not fair. There are things that are difficult or things that life happens to us. And so it’s not about never having this opposite of forgiveness, but it’s noticing it, in releasing it through forgiveness. It’s not about being in a static state, always forgiving, but it’s about working with it because when you don’t forgive, there’s a lesson to be learned. There’s something there in that shell that you’re not forgiving. And until you don’t learn from it, then it’s going to sit there. So you want to learn from it and then use the quality of forgiveness to melt it away. And you want to make it whole again, because what happens is that when we are not forgiving, let’s say an area in your life, something that happened, something in yourself, that part we are rejecting, we are rejecting that part. And when we reject a part, that part is not fully part of the wholeness of our being, right? Because we’re constantly pushing away. We are with our critique, our hatred, self-hatred, self-denigration, self-judgment, we’re pushing it away. Now it takes a lot of energy to push something away, to keep that stuck, that energy stuck, forsaken, separate, judged, takes a lot of your energy. And so imagine what happens when you forgive, there is a release of that energy.

And so today’s post, which is always on the expansive method, is that forgiveness releases a wave, just have to read it here, forgiveness releases a wave of spaciousness that can transport your being to greater heights. So when you forgive you release, and a huge amount of energy that was stuck working to keep your anger, your hatred, whatever it is to keep that stuck. And now that energy can go elsewhere. First of all, that part is released in whatever you were using to keep it stuck is also released and can now do work in other parts of your being. And so there’s a huge release of energy that creates this spaciousness, this expansiveness that can now, the spaciousness can take you to greater heights of joy, of bliss, of living your potential of manifesting, of living more fully, of loving more fully.

And so cues for you to figure out, okay, forgiveness. You could just check in and see, how do I feel when I don’t forgive? I feel tightness. My thoughts have a loop, loopy thoughts. I’m upset about something. I can’t let go of it. I keep thinking about it. I try to save the situation, but I’m only saving it in my head and I’m not it just becomes a loop. That’s an indication for me that there’s something I need to forgive there. Or tightness in heart. My heart is not open. Love is not flowing.

Then you can ask yourself, well, how do I feel when I do forgive? When I have forgiven, how has it felt? There’s a spaciousness. Okay, now you’ve done a self-inquiry and now, you know, you’ve got two points of reference to know when you’re not forgiving. And when you are forgiving, now, forgiveness is about taking ownership, and taking ownership is not about blaming yourself, that you’re at fault. Many times we confuse the two, but it’s about telling the truth to yourself. If something, if someone said something and you don’t forgive them for it, it’s okay to have the value that it’s not okay what they said, that is okay. The question is, what did you do about it? Did you become paralyzed and just go off hurt? And then you don’t forgive them. Instead, if you look at them as a teacher that has been brought into your life for you to stand up and to say, you know what, what you just said is hurtful. I am willing to see where it came from. If you came from a hurt place, I would like to understand it, but it’s not okay the way this occurred and I’m standing up for myself. If you do that, you will have such an easier time forgiving because you won’t be holding your hurt. And I’ve done it many times. I many times when I’m hurt, I just go away, and then it stays stuck. And I need to maintain the stuckness and justify that I’m not forgiving somebody else. Right? So telling the truth to yourself will set you free. The truth will set you free. And so telling yourself a truth is one way that you release yourself from that thing that you’re not forgiving. What is that thing that the universe did to you, that you were upset about that actually it’s wanting you to learn something. Things don’t happen just the way we want to. And trust me, I want them to happen just the way that I want them to. And many times they do, and many times they don’t. And many times they do without me doing much. And many times they do, because I work hard to create the conditions for them. And I do it with delight and with joy and with hard work as well. But the times that it doesn’t happen, it’s not easy. And we don’t forgive ourselves because we go, okay, well, the universe has forsaken me or this person has forsaken me, but we feel that we are not worthy. That if we were worthy, if I was worthy enough, this wouldn’t have happened. If I was this if I was that this would have happened differently. So we’re blaming ourselves or hating ourselves, and we need to forgive ourselves in order to release.

I want to read to you something that, an image and words that came to me, when I engaged with the quality of forgiveness. You see for many years now, I’ve worked with qualities and you see it throughout my, if you’re on my mailing list or on social media, I pick a quality and then I work, I engage with that quality in order to experience it, in order to express it, in order to perceive it, in order to bring it into the world more, perceive it in others and appreciate the quality. Now qualities we think of them as words, but they’re really in a sense they’re their own field of intelligence. And what do I mean by that? You know how to differentiate forgiveness from delight or from joy, right? You know when you’re in forgiveness or non-forgiveness zone, and when you’re in delight or joy zone, right. You know the difference, it means they have different personalities. It’s not just words. These are living qualities. And when you engage with a quality of forgiveness, you’re in relationship with it. It reveals itself to you. It reveals its gifts. It reveals its limitations. It reveals your gifts in relationship to forgiveness, your limitations in relationship to forgiveness, and likewise with delight or joy. And so you can engage with a quality and actually have this intuitive, meditative engagement with the quality and receive a lot of insights about it. And so I did that with a quality of forgiveness. And these, this is the image that came to me and the words that came together with it. So I’m going to read it to you. Forgiveness is a gentle caress, a gentle embrace, a flow of love and tenderness through my being, through your being, through our being. Allowing a gentle release of shame, of regret, of pain, of hurt, of anger, of judgment. It is the healing balm to allow the universe, the flow of the universe to move freely through me, through you, through us once again. And so allow the healing balm of forgiveness to go to different parts of your body, of your being, your heart, your mind. Just allow it like mist on the land to just flow over and caress that area, allowing whatever is held there to be released to just evaporate, evaporate, gently any self-hatred, self-deprecation, self-judgment. And if anything comes up for you that you need to release in a more focused way, or you need more time, release tears or anger, journaling, meditating, sharing with someone what you are going through, and just take the time you need to do that.

And then allow forgiveness, allow forgiveness once again, like the mist to just flow over like a healing balm on any place in your being where something is stuck, just allow it to open up the energy there so that the flow of the universe can come through. And so take with you this image of forgiveness as a quality that flows like mist in the intelligence of this quality of forgiveness is that if you ask for forgiveness to engage with you and heal your being, it’s going to know where to go. It’s going to go straight. Your mind is going to think, Oh, this is where I need it. I need it in my belly. I need it in my heart. I need it in relationship to my spouse. I need it in relationship to what happened to me when I was four years old, all of those things, forgiveness is going to go there. And your mind that consciousness is so amazing that you’re going to think of those things that you need forgiveness for. And so allow forgiveness in and then forgiveness is going to go straight to that place. And it’s going to ask to enter, it’s going to ask to enter and bring, in a sense, oxygen, and blood, and love back into this place, which we have rejected, which you have rejected, right? And separated from the wholeness of your being. But as it still is part of your being, you’re spending a lot of energy trying to separate it and to reject it, right? And so if you’re not going to allow forgiveness in, it can’t come in. It can’t force itself. Cause it’s this slow mist that shows up and asks gently if it may enter. And if you say yes, and you allow it and you open up, it will come in and it will just caress. Really, it’s like a mist, a balm that will come into all the nooks and crannies of this area that has not received oxygen, love, blood flow for a while, maybe since your childhood and maybe since this morning. And it will just allow it to warm up and to be loved and to be healed and to come back into the wholeness of your being. And as you do that, you release a huge amount of energy. Both of the critic that was working hard to reject it, this part in both of the part that was not functioning fully, because it was being isolated and rejected. So you have here a beautiful practice that you can do to allow forgiveness into your life, into different parts.

You can take time if you need to, you know, sometimes we need months to forgive. If we have some childhood trauma, you know, you might need to do some EMDR work to release the energy that’s pent up there or do therapy for three months for it, right? And sometimes it’s stuff that you can do on your own, through journaling or sharing with someone who’s dear to you or the person, if you feel safe with a person with whom you’ve had the issue of not forgiving. So just take this image with you, of forgiveness as this gentle mist that just flow through and just know wherever you need it, it’ll go there and just be open and see what’s needed and allow it to do that. And then you do your part. If you’re getting journaling or screaming out your anger or tears, or just allowing the love, the embracing love of forgiveness to just flow through you as a healing balm, so that you release the energy of these parts, and then you’ll have so much energy, so much more to give of yourself, to show up fully, you’ll have more of your full potential available as a resource for you to manifest in this year, to manifest today, in this week, in this month, in your relationships, in your self-care and your finances, in your work, whatever area in your life you’re dealing with, and you need to forgive something.

So I leave you with that. I know that it is easier said than done because we all hold stuff, the wounded parts, and we separate them and we reject them because we have no one to hold it with us. So I know that very much. And I’ve had this experience many times and I’m still dealing with letting go and forgiving things. And you know, things that I have done that I wished I had done differently, and there’s no way to change them where things I wanted to be different. But if you allow the quality, the intelligent quality of forgiveness, or the wisdom of the quality of forgiveness to engage with you in this relationship, then it will go to those places that you need to, it will be a healing balm. You will know what you have to do in order to do your part to release. We’ll bring it back into the wholeness of your being. And you will have so much more energy and resources to live fully and to manifest more fully, and you will create much more spiritual-material unity. You’ll have more spiritual-material balance in your life. And as a result, you’ll be able to generate much more spiritual-material abundance in all areas of your life. And particularly in that area that has been cut off for so long. So I leave you with blessings of forgiveness. I will see you next week, again, with another Expanding on Expansive weekly tips and teachings.

Thank you. Be well.