Caring for yourself during difficult moments

We’ve all experienced times of great loneliness, which are often accompanied by feelings of despair. Sometimes the holidays can make us feel even more lonely and it may seem practically impossible to get ourselves out of these sinking feelings.

But we have the power to care for ourselves in ways that can alleviate the loneliness and make us feel connected again to life and to ourselves. Here’s something you can do to care for yourself. It will counter your loneliness and help you feel connected and engaged.

Remember! While you may think that you are the only one who is lonely, you are not alone. I have those moments too, and so do most people. So show up for yourself… and here’s how you can do it.

Sending you blessings of love and care,

Anna

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Prefer to read? Here’s a transcription of the video:

What can you do when you’re feeling lonely?

I want to talk today about one thing that you can do right now that’s going to move you from feeling lonely, to not feeling lonely.

Now there’s a difference between feeling lonely and being alone, right? So being alone is just being in solitude with yourself. But lonely is a feeling and it’s accompanied many times with feeling forsaken. No one cares. I’m not loved. I’m never going to make it different feelings that have to do with a lack of connection. So loneliness is usually an experience of not being connected. Not being connected to another person, not being connected to your work, to your children, to friends, to life, to the world. You’re more kind of internal going inside, but not in a good way. It’s like in a hiding way or in a way that you’re wounded, that you feel awful, that you feel hopeless, there’s no way out.

That’s what loneliness is. That’s been my experience of loneliness and at times when I felt lonely at that moment, I’ve just wanted to check out. Never seriously considered how I would do that. But at that moment of feeling so disconnected and so alone and so unloved and uncared and connected to anything or anyone, I’ve had this experience of just wanting to check out.

So here’s one thing that you can do right now, immediately, and you’re going to feel improvement. You’re going to feel better within minutes, within five minutes or 10 minutes or 15 minutes. So that’s not a long time.

So the key is to reconnect. To reconnect to something, to someone.

I want to help you now move the needle from feeling lonely and then within 10 minutes, not feeling lonely anymore. And it’s possible to do. So, the key is to connect.

So connect with yourself if that’s what you have, if your alone and feeling lonely than connect. Connect with yourself. So start a dialogue. Talk out loud to yourself or write in a journal or internally in your heart, but start a dialogue with the lonely part.

I feel lonely. I feel forsaken. No one cares. I’m never going to make it. Whatever it is. You see, the minute you’re having a dialogue with yourself, there’s already two parts of you connecting: the lonely part, and the other part who is listening. So suddenly you are less alone because there’s another part listening. And then you can ask, how can I now feel less lonely? What could I do? Help me.

And you can even move to a different place in the room or a different chair in the room and answer the lonely part from a different place. Look at the lonely person, the lonely part in you, and see if you can have some compassion for that part and share something that might be useful for that part to feel less lonely even saying you’re not alone. I’m here with you. I love you. I’m holding your hand.

So that’s one thing that you can do. The other thing is to engage with the world. You see, the minute you are engaged with something, you’re connected.

Let’s say you read a book, you decide to read for an hour, suddenly you’re engaged in the reading. When you’re engaged, many different parts of you are participating and there’s the book, whether it’s a fiction book and you’re totally engrossed in the characters, in the story, or it’s a nonfiction book and the ideas are exciting to you. But suddenly you’re engaging. You’re not alone. You’re connecting.

So what you could do if you are having a lonely day, and during the holidays, many times we feel lonely for a short period of time or for many days throughout the holidays. So just create an intention for the day. Schedule your day with things that you love to do.

And the only person who’s going to take you out of it is you. So schedule. Schedule time to see a movie, but then prepare, you know, yummy snacks for yourself. And so that is your, I’m watching a movie time. Read a book. Buy paints and paint or do a Mandala. Write in your journal, listen to a meditation, cook something, bake something. All of these things that you’re doing by yourself, create the intention and structure it half an hour for this, 45 minutes for this, an hour for that. Suddenly you are engaged and you’re in relationship with the schedule, with the task or the activity and your participating.

I promise you that as you do that, it will take you out of this sinking feeling that’s like a magnetic force. It’s just pulling you more and more down into feeling lonely. Take care of yourself. If you love yourself, and I’m not saying it in a superficial way, but in this moment of loneliness, if you show up for yourself and you say, what can we do that will bring us a bit joy now here, what will make me happy right now and go do it.

So I hope that this is helpful for you. Remember that you are, your own best friend and if you show up for yourself and schedule time to do things that you never do during the year, cause you’re busy and now during the holidays you have time to do it. Go do it. Take a walk for half an hour. Meditate for 20 minutes. Listen for 20 minutes to your favorite music. Open a poetry book. Look for quotes that you love, your favorite quotes. Go online and just read quotes because they’re going to uplift you and and remind you who you are and the essence and your value. See a movie that you enjoy. Draw whatever you like to do.

Go do it with intention and create specific time for it and move from task to task, from activity to activity. And you will see that you will have a day of full presence with yourself enjoyment, intention, and you will feel much less lonely.

Blessings